5.28.2009

The Nonchalantdad: Bring It ON.


The Next Survivor ‘Reality’ TV Program - Rules:

Six married men will be dropped by helicopter onto an island that is created to look like your average middle class neighborhood. They will share one car and 3 kids each for a full six weeks.

Each of the 3 children will play 2 sports and take either a music or dance classes. As well, there will be no access to fast or frozen food. Each man must take care of his own 3 children.

He’ll be required to keep his entire house spotlessly clean, help the children with all their homework, complete all special school projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of ‘pretend’ bills with barely enough money. In addition each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week, as well as surprise funds for the children’s needs..

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives. They will not be allowed to send email for these events and instead be required to write personal cards for each event. All cards will have to be sent out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment, and a haircut appointment. He must also make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the urgent care center.

He must make cookies or cupcakes from scratch for unforeseen social functions. Each man will be held responsible for decorating his own assigned house. He’ll have to plant flowers outside and keep the outside and inside presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television or email/internet after the kids are fed, bathed, dressed, and put to bed…. not including chores. It is important that each man must also fully shave his legs regularly, possibly wear makeup daily, dress in fashionable and attractive clothing, and put on uncomfortable but stylish shoes each time they step out of the house. Further, they need to have their hair presentable, fingernails polished, and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks each man will be required to endure possibly severe abdominal cramps, back aches, major unexplained mood swings, but never once complain or slow down their domestic routines.

They’ll have to attend weekly school meetings and possibly church or social functions – almost always with the kids in tow. At weekends especially, they will have to spend full days trying to find entertainment or driving the kids around. Each day and each night, almost without fail, they will have to feed the kids, dress them, brush their teeth, and comb their hair. They’ll be responsible for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They will not be allowed to deliver the kids late to school, or child care. Each father might be required to also have one of the children be under the age of 2.

As well, each father might have to hold down either a part time or full time job. At the end of the first few weeks the fathers will have to answer a test with questions that cover the following: birthdays, weights, heights, clothing/shoe sizes, doctor’s name, full details relating to each child’s birth, favorite snacks, drinks, toys, habits, fears, etc etc etc.

At the end of 6 weeks the kids will decide who is voted off based on performance. The last man to win the contest will be the only one able to still perform intimately with his spouse at any moments notice. If the last man is able to win the contest, his reward will be to continue the role for the next 10 to 15 years!!!

6 comments:

Fatima Cook said...

this would be a reality show i'd LOVE to watch!!

Tanara said...

Best post ever. Thank you!

nonchalant mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Celeste said...

ROFL. love it.

Anonymous said...

I'd love to see my ex-husband try this one. funny but true! M

julia said...

Now that is a reality show I'd actually watch!