sharing advise with your sisters

My sister and I had very different lives, she had kids early and I had my kids later in life, this was very handy for me but maybe I was not so much for my sister (although I did introduce her to macrobiotics, ha!). But there are a few things that she told me that have always stuck in my mind as good advise, and whenever I am with friends and we start passing around advise my sisters always come to mind.

sister advise #1: "sometimes you just have to pretend you don't see things" in other words, pick your fights. There are so many times that I see our kids doing 'something' to each other and then getting in a scrap over it and sometimes it's just best to pretend you didn't see it and let them work it out between themselves. Obviously there are times when you just step in to diffuse the situation, but many times I think it's good for both parties for them to work it out. This also works for breaking things, dropping things, and even some tripping and falling (they can usually get up themselves you know!) I think it's good for them.

sister advise #2: It was after my sister had her second girl that I realized that she didn't go on and on about her kids much, I thought this was wonderful because I had heard so many women talk and talk about their babies and how marvelous they were but there was my sister with the cutest kids of all (okay maybe I was biased just a bit) and just listening to their stories. So I asked her once and she simply said, "when you listen to a lot of that gushing you just realize that nobody really listens to it anyhow so I just don't do it." well la-ti-da! how simple is that and I think that it's true, the proof is in the pudding and everyone can see how cute your baby/kids is without yourself going on and on.... although, I must say I have to give in sometimes! it's just impossible to resist, right!?

There are a few more but we did not live near each other when she had her kids so I kind of held onto the few things I got and tried to remember them. There is one that I use on almost a daily basis and well maybe it might work for you... we were all sitting around her dinner table and eating our lovely macrobiotic dinner and her middle girl (who was about 8-9 years old) said "why do we have to eat this food?" and she shot off "just eat it and think of it as fuel for your body" ....that's it...end of story! Nice one Linda!

Oh, and it does work in the opposite direction... when we had our first baby, my sister came to New York to see him right after he was born and tossed a pacifier in his mouth and I almost hit the ceiling, he was attached to it for three - four years after that, I got over it but at that moment the sisterly love was out the window!

Please comment and share with us some of your sisterly gleanings so that we can all pass on each others and make us all the wiser!

(ps. that picture is from an Iyengar yoga trip we did together on the shores of Lake Superior in Minnesota, isn't it beautiful...)


karen said...

I love that picture of you two! Sisters are the best

lesley said...

That is a great picture! I can't remember any advice my sister (who has a child) has given me. She is not a big on giving advice. I do remember some of the best advice I have been given was from my mother when I was pregnant with my first child. I was seeing a midwife and considering giving birth at the free standing birth center rather than a hospital. I had no clue people had such strong opinions on birthing. When discussing my decision with a friend she started telling me I had to deliver in a hospital and started telling about all the complications that could occur.

I told my mom about our conversation. She told me that I was the one giving birth so it was important for me to be comfortable. This advice not only made my decision about where to give birth easier but it also gave me a different perspective about respecting people's choices... not only in birthing but also parenting.

Sabina said...

I loved this post - it sounded so much like me and my sister. Thanks!!

Happy New Year!!


wideopenspacesplease said...

i love this. my sister and i are the same. her oldest is 14 and mine is 4. man, i'm grateful that she has to go through everything first. great post.