My wife subscribes to many magazines. Naturally, every now and then, I pick them up and look at the pictures and read some of the articles. I'm the kind of guy who likes to read everything I can get my hands on. Give me a cereal box and I will read it like it was the encyclopedia. So, I can tolerate much. I just like information. But, I tell you, lately I've been getting annoyed. The subject of my annoyance? Sex.
Now, a man annoyed by the subject of sex is an odd thing to hear I suppose. Nonetheless, I'm annoyed. It seems that our media is awash with the stuff. Now, the parenting magazines, children's magazines, family magazines, keep mentioning it. I feel like I'm in high school again. Usually, the article is accompanied by a rather sexy image of people who certainly look well rested, clear skinned, and well-coiffed - in other words, people not well associated with the apparent rigours of child rearing. These articles suggest all manner of ways to spice up the ol' sex life, re-create that elusive first date with your spouse, cook sexy meals, wear sexy clothes (even though you might have just given birth), and say all sorts of sexy things. Some of the more risky articles even give us tips on locating specific areas of the human body. I even read one in a children's magazine that coached parents on positioning.
When I was a child some of these articles would have been associated with the magazines frustratingly located at the top of the magazine rack. Not now, sex is mainstream. SEX is everywhere. You are reminded that you need to be having sex. And, if you are not having sex, you need to be thinking about having sex. And, if you are not thinking about having sex, then ..... well..... you just aren't that popular. My friend, if you are not wearing sex, acting sex, being sex.... you just ain't sexy.
Well, I've got a new article for your parenting magazine. It's called: I'm #^%&*&% TIRED. You're expecting me, after getting up at 5am, getting the kids ready for school, cleaning the house, fixing something, going to work, paying the bills, etc etc etc. By 11pm I'm thinking of a few things, and usually none of them have to do with donning some swash buckling uniform and swinging across our matrimonial bed looking for spots that start with the letter 'G'. For my wife and I, those of you who want to chase the sex up and down the street - good for you. I wish you many happy returns. But, for me, after taking the kids to go pee at midnight (my shift), I'm usually thinking of finding sleep. And, hey, if I'm feeling lucky on am average Saturday night, I might ask my sexy wife if she wants to share some ice cream... and maybe.... just maybe.... she'll rub my feet. Usually, though, it's my turn to rub hers. And, you know what? That's good enough for me.